Splinter Cell Conviction

Being the biased game player I am (shut up, I am!!!) I decided to write my next review on the sequal to the splinter cell, the new FPS that has come out that everyone, including me (not really) has been looking forward to...ok, so I didn't have time to look at the games I was handed until last minute, kiss my lazy fat ass >.<, anyway, this might be my last review for a little while seeing as i'm bout to get shipped out next month, so hopefully I get to redeem myself with a new issue of geekzine next month...or you get to see my obituary...which ever comes first...on a slightly lighter note (VERY slight) on to the review.

Splinter cell conviction was an interesting play to say the best for it. Starts out with explaining how his daughter died in the past, how he no longer works for his former job and how he no longer has any problems with being killed at any second while he's in another country cause mercenaries obviously stick to their own jurisdictions XP. Basic breakdown of the game: new boss of the company wants to kill president, become new president (because when all else fails, let the guy who killed the leader become the new leader) and when all good and done they decide to fuck up by trying to kill the one guy who can possibly fuck them over (who also has NO FUCKIN CLUE ABOUT IT) and try to kill him, thinking that he couldn't possibly hold a grudge over the guys trying to kill him and try to take them out himself...fuckin morons...

The gameplay is a piece of sh- no wait, the gameplay is more like the smell of sh-...no, the gameplay is more like the fume of the smell you can see when you look at a huge pile of dog shit on a hot texas summer day...yeah, that about sums it up. You try to jump a wall you have to aim at a specific point on the wall to allow him to do it, otherwise you might just open the door next to it that leads to a room of gunmen you want to completely fuckin avoid at the time, the melee attacks are so overpowered, you sneak up on a guy from behind, hit the btton and no matter how hard you hit him, no matter with what blunt instrument you have in your hand (back of a gun, a nightstick, machettee, (or in many cases for people on this site) your own cocks) the guy goes down without a fight.

The gun enhancements are basic upgrades (though I fail to see the reason to put a friggen silencer on half the fuckin weapons) and the AI is as shitty as on HALO3, always the first to shout out insults in a room they clearly know that an enemy will be aiming at their heads, which is another thing, the fuckin shooting, in this one you just tell the guy where to sneek and he sneeks there without you actually moving him, or tell him who to shoot and he goes ahead and shoots them, you're suppose to shoot them yourself, not let the AI do it, which is the point of a friggen SHOOTING GAME!!! It like in Final Fantasy (any version) where you can't dodge on your own or anything, cause that'd be too much of a friggen advantage, no, you have to wait there, let the guy hit you (hoping he'll miss instead) and try to fuck him over when your turn flies around...

C+, because due to my unbiased opinion on FPS games (SHUT UP, I AM!!!) I try to give this game a point curve from failing to at least passing up and out of my class so I can fuck up the next one in line...NEXT!!!