The Yarg's Movie Reviews

From director/writer/producer/editor/etc/etc John Johnson, this is quite an entertaining film, that was made for under 5000 bucks, released by brain damage in 2008, this film centers around a group of con artists, who con people out of money to help them with "supernatural cleansings." However upon recieving a package of money, they come to the cemetary to retrive the Artifact of Power which releases 7 demons from another dimension, of which they now have to battle in order to save the world, and their souls.

Full of references to films such as Ghostbusters, and dialogue that would confuse the fuck out of Christopher Walken, this film is amazing to percieve with as little budget that it has, even though you can definitely tell that its low budget. Now, if you do not enjoy watching films that are of this caliber, then by all means, pick up that copy of 2004's Dawn of the Dead. But if you want to watch a group of con men fight against a 7 person army of demons, one of which, they have to remove his liver to kill him, then you shall enjoy this little jewel.

This film has it all, horror, comedy, kungfu fighting, gun fights, 3 ways, soul sucking succubi, riddling jesters, and a beautiful princess, whom is trying to survive, then you shall enjoy this film of epic confusion!

8 out of 10 Snapping Zombie Heads

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Definitely my favorite comedy of the year, FSM is a hysterical look at one man's broken heart when he finds out his girlfriend of 5 and a half years breaks up with him. Distraught over this, he goes to Hawaii to get over her so to speak, and runs into her and her new beau. Enter hysterical foolishness. Filled with great songs from the writer of this movie, of which he also stars in! Full of hijinks from a man who had his heart shattered into a million pieces and now his cock doesn’t want to be around Sarah Marshall anymore, why? Because she’s the goddamn devil!

If you enjoy films such as 40 Year old Virgin, A Fish Called Wanda, or anything of that nature, give this one a try, you may like it, you may hate it, but you wont forget it. I highly recommend this to anyone who has ever had relationship issues.

9 out of 10 Snapping Zombie Heads

Friday the 13th - 2009 - The Yarg's Movie Reviews

I saw this film opening day, and I must say was well worth the wait. This isn't the average Jason film such as 2 through 11 were. (Yes im including Freddy VS. Jason in the list.) In this film, Jason is much scarier than he was in the other 9 that he stars in. Yes, 2 of the films did not have Jason Vorhees. What a shocker! (lol.) Jason is intelligent, fast, works out things quite well, and is much more methodical in his killings than in his previous films, where he just seemed to go on a rampage once awoken. In this film, he does some stuff that he hadnt done to his victims in previous films. I'll leave you a hint (sleeping bag) which was quite new, and invigorating.

The film takes place in modern day, unlike the previous films where Jason's timeline is a bit shakier. He was just a small boy when his mother was killed, unlike the others when he is an adult when his mother is killed. Full of great "shock" moments, which I actually enjoyed. Lots of gore, the usual boob factor you find in any Friday the 13th series, and a different approach to the previous chapters in the series. It takes off from Friday the 13th part 1, and goes on a completley different path. (Ignore 2 through 11 when you watch t.) Finally! A remake/retelling that is worthy of the stamp of approval that I have had a difficult time in using since 1990's remake of Night of the Living Dead.

I award the Friday the 13th (2009)

9 out of 10 Snapping Zombie Heads

THEM!

OK, these movies are several years old, but I will make this a point in every updated movie review post, to add a unknown zombie film I have seen... to bring it to the eyes of people everywhere

These movies, are low budget at its finest, and by low budget I do not mean a million dollars, or one hundred thousand dollars, I am talking less than ten thousand dollars. These films are extremely cheesy, full of unneeded nudity at times, and have storylines that make little to no sense, yet after all of that, they are fun to watch, for any zombie fan... Centers around 2 government agents, who unbeknownst to them, helped the zombie epidemic happen. Joining them are 3 Vampire women with laser blasters, yes, laser blasters, like in Star Wars. And a Mexican wrestler, who while fighting with the dead, wrestles them into submission. Going throughout the city, they try to survive the apocalypse, looking for supplies and survivors... coming to a somewhat minute epic battle at the end...

The second Meat Market, takes place about a year after the first, of which Argenta, the sole surviving agent, along with Nemesis the sole surviving Vampire, and a few others go on from city to city looking for survivors, of which they are finding fewer and fewer. Coming upon a survivor who leads them to a facility full of survivors, they are disarmed by the new "police force" and divided up, this new world, is run by a former motivational speaker named Bill, of which sanity has left a long time ago...

Full of blood, guts, cannibalism, guns, lasers, vampires, wrestlers, explosions, fire, and enough insanity to shake a stick at, if you have a boring Saturday night planned, I recommend picking up these films, whether you love them or hate them at the end... you will have laughed your ass off, either in disgust, or in stupidity...

7 out of 10 Snapping Zombie Heads

Poultrygeist - Night of the Chicken Dead

Troma’s latest feature, Poultrygeist, follows the lives of two young lovers, whom separated by college, to be reunited, at the grand opening of a new fast food restaurant, one that happens to be built on top of the Ancient Tromahawk Indians burial ground, unleashing a massive curse on all those who ingest the chicken.

A real Troma film in every way, this one seems to love its asses, whether its guy or girl, and things coming in and out of them. On top of all this gore, it is a musical! Yes, you heard me correctly, there is a lot of singing in this film, with future classic hits such as, Revenge is a Dish Best Served Fried, and Generous General!

This film will be fun for all generations of sick twisted, perverted individuals the world over. Troma films are well known for having very punk rock soundtracks, and this one is no different, with fun tracks like Milk, Milk, Lemonade by Dingleberry Dynasty, and Green Eggs and Pam by Purple Pam. Very fun movie all around in my opinion. Wait until you find how you are supposed to destroy the chicken dead. It's so simple, a Native American could do it!

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead gets 7 out of 10 Snapping Zombie Heads

Punisher: War Zone via IGN.com

What can I say about this new look into the world of the Punisher? Hmmm… well I will admit first and foremost, I have never picked up the comics myself, most will say that’s horrible, others will say who cares. Anyways, I saw this film opening night with a female friend of mine, also, a nonreader of the series. From start to finish, this film is violent, bloody, shoot them up, don’t ask questions til after its all done, insanity, free runners, surface to air missles, and multiple broken body parts. This Punisher film, does not follow the Thomas Jane’s 2004 Punisher storyline, from what I gather, its closer to the comics storyline. It starts up 5 years into the Punishers vendetta against the corrupt and unjust, with him in the swing of things. Where he comes across his new targets, Jigsaw, and his brother Loony Bin Jim, aka James. They vow to take revenge on Castle for what he did to Jigsaw, and are itching to take him out, cue violent death scenes…

The ONLY problem I have with this film, is that Frank Castle is SUPERHUMAN strong, there are a few people that he punches in the face, but his fist all but goes through their HEAD! I’m not talking like with a weapon, but just his fist, goes through one guys face, like it was made of jello. Other than that, it was a superb action packed film, filled with madness and mayhem.

This film is a X rating compared to 2004’s The Punisher, but probably still considered PG compared to the comics. Let’s just say, that at the theatre I saw it at, they made it unofficially NC-17, and did not let ANY kids in to see it.

Punisher: War Zone gets 8 out of 10 Snapping Zombie Heads

Paris Hilton is Amber Sweet in Repo: The Genetic Opera

Repo the Genetic Opera dvd Review from The Yarg

I watched this film the other night after picking it up from the store. I was waiting for it for over a year, and it did not disappoint me one bit. Full of great music, wonderful lyrics, a kick ass soundtrack in itself, acting that was out of this world, and lets not forget the gore factor, lordy no! Starring Alexa Vega, yes, the little girl from the Spy Kids films, whom i did not know had such a lovely singing voice... Anthony Stewert Head, who is most famous for his role on the Buffy The Vampire Slayer Series as Giles, Paul Sorvino, Bill Mosley, and not a bad performance by Paris Hilton, and for those who know me, I dont much care for the PH.
Taking place in a world, where out of the blue, organ failures hit across the world, killing millions and millions of people, after a few years of this taking place, a company emerges out of the dust, a hero? On the horizon, GENECO! will give you new organs for a price. Just make your payment, and there wont be a problem. After a few years of this, congress legalizes reposessions! Which means, that if you miss a payment, they send in THE REPO MAN! to repossess your organs, killing you in the process... This rock opera, which means that there is no talking, only singing throughout... was for me, a nice refreshing wake up in the land of "musicals" there hasnt been such a great musical in my eyes since TOMMY originally written by The Who.

The films, which centers around Alexa Vega's character, Shilo, whom is stricken by a blood disease, to which keeps her inside, away from the cruel world outside, her overbearing, and protective father, played by Anthony S. Head, tries to shield her from the world outside. full of rebellion against her father, she decides to go out in the world, discovering the new age drug, the ever so popular, elective organ transplants, she uncovers a deadly secret about her father, and of the company GENECO...

I give this film my stamp of approval for all gorehounds out there...

10 out of 10 Snapping Zombie Heads...

Star Trek (2009)

First off, let me get this out in the open, i am not a Star Trek fan. That being said, i found this film entertaining as hell. This takes on a different storyline, and universe so to speak, than the Star Trek with Captain James T Kirk, that everyone has known before, due to a blackhole, a group of Romulans come back in time, to seek revenge on those who failed to save their planet from destruction which happens in the future. Confused yet? Anyways, upon entering the past, they destroy the USS Kelvin, of which Kirks father was on, trying to save the crew by launching himself against the Romulans.

Jump ahead to the future, James Kirk has become a rebel, and has not joined star fleet. Talked into it by a friend of his fathers, he joins the fleet, where his first nemesis, albeit it only for a short while, Spock, enters his life, causing him nothing but trouble. After a crisis hits, which has all of the last year star fleet cadets jump aboard their respective ships, you get to see the crew of the Enterprise togethor, for the first time we get to see them working togethor, fighting against this evil doer, Nero, played by Eric Bana, this film had so many people working on it, it was quite funny, Winona Ryder as Spocks Mum, and in one of the scenes, aboard the Enterprise, you even see Kal Penn playing a extra, i shit you not.

This film is highly entertaining, is a bit more of a action film, then a sci fi film, but it delivers well. i highly recommend it for anyone who enjoys sci fi, action, or star trek... you will not be disappointed...

I give this film, 9 out of 10 snapping zombie heads.

Terminator Salvation

Taking place in the year 2018, John Conner has yet to become the head of the human resistence, he is still moving up the ranks, but he does have his following of people who believe him to be the one to take back the planet and to defeat skynet, once and for all. Heading the West Coast Branch of the Resistence, he comes to find out that Skynet has a hitlist, of which Conner himself is number two on the list, number one belonging to Kyle Reese, his father. So its a race against time to find the boy, who he will send back in time to save his mother... This film has two storylines basically, one of Marcus Wright, a drifter who doesnt know what is going on whatsoever, and stumbling across Kyle Reese himself, yet still a teenager. Togethor, they decide to find the resistence base, and join up with John Conner. Conner, meanwhile, is trying to find his father, and systematically destroy skynet with a new defence weapon.

This film is what the third terminator film should of been, it is full of action, great acting, a amazing storyline, wonderful effects, and is wonderful to see Kyle Reese again, and how he learned so much, from the drifter Marcus Wright.

I give this film, 9 out of 10 snapping zombie heads.

Seeing this film, was for the most part kind of blah. Within 10 minutes, I had already figured out where their buddy was. Then, I had to sit around for another 90 minutes for them to find him. Some sequences were funny as hell, others clearly outdated and overdone.

However, amongst all of this, you have a good set of actors who clearly enjoyed making this film. They worked well together and seeing Heather Graham again, especially topless, was unbelievable. She looks even more beautiful than when last I saw her.

The amount of cameos in this film is overwhelming, however it is taking place in Las Vegas, so I'd let it slide. For a comedy, it was written fine but I needed more comedy and less "3 Stooges" at times. Zach Galifinakis was just amusing as hell to watch, especially when he gets zapped with a tazer, twice. Ed Helms had, by far, the best dialogue and character development out of EVERYONE in the film. Watching him makes me think of certain guys I went to high school with.

If you are looking for you generic amnesiac comedy, you should enjoy it.


6 out of 10 snapping zombie heads

THEM!

Definitely old school film, made in 1954, THEM! was the first horror film to bring up negative effects wrought upon the earth. Taking place in White Sands, New Mexico, the police force are investigating several missing person reports. Of which giant ants are responsible, upon finding the nest, they bomb and gas it, thinking that they have beaten the giant insects, they find out that several newly hatched queens have escaped, and started up nests elsewhere. Going all over the west coast, they finally find the nest in California, of which, the most epic battle between humans and giant ants takes place.

This film, is personally my favorite of the giant monster movies ever created, yes, it was the fifties, the effects are unbelievably fake looking, but I love this film, and for any horror fan that will give a black and white film a chance from that era, I highly recommend watching it...

10 out of 10 Snapping Zombie Heads

Plan 9 From Outer Space

Thats right, im about to review the WORST film ever made according to most everyone out there, and do you know why? because it is definitely one of the most entertaining for people like me, and i always enjoy sending this into the minds of potential new fans.Made in 1959, written and directed by Edward D. Wood Jr, this movie has several things it is known for, it is Bela Lugosi's final role before his death, it has some of the cheesiest effects every made, and in 1994, was made into sort of a biopic movie starring Johnny Depp.

Now onto the movie, taking place in San Fernando valley, California, the residents take notice to several murders taking place in their cemetary, a police officer, 2 grave diggers, and multiple sightings of UFO's, "some of which are described as cigar shaped, even though clearly when you see them, they are disk shaped" Then there are the aliens, who come from a land of silky satiny shiny pajama soldier uniforms, whom have brought the dead back to life to take over the world so to speak, for the living fear the dead.

Even though quite a bit of the dialogue is repetative, and some of the lines clearly fubbed, this movie has won the hearts and minds of countless minions across the whole universe. And even to this day, gains new fans every year, young and old. If you love old timey films, or just want to see something that isnt Michael Bay action packed oriented, give this golden oldie a try, if you dont like it, look at it this way, you can say that you have just witnessed one of the worst films every made!

9  out of 10 Snapping Zombie Heads.