Ask Garnet - Sex Addiction

Today Shanna Katz/Essin’Em tweeted a question via the Fascinations twitter account that I found to be very interesting. I attempted to answer in 140 characters or less, but found it to be rather difficult. And since the question is on a topic that I’ve been meaning to talk about in my blog anyways, I figured this would be the perfect time.

The question: Can sex be addictive?

I’ve heard people say that you can’t be addicted to something you need to live. With the exception of the air around us that we need to breathe and our blood pumping through our system, I’d say that I disagree with that statement. Addiction happens when you use and abuse substances, experiences, etc. Addiction is consciously or unconsciously saying “Fuck the consequences” when you need your fix. And it’s just that: a fix. We need to eat in order to survive, but food can also be an addiction. We abuse food when we eat because we’re bored or sad or angry. And it can give us a high that we want to replicate over and over again which becomes an addiction. That’s different than eating because you’re nourishing your body. You need food to live, but you don’t need to binge eat regularly to live.

The same goes for sex. Now some may say that you don’t need sex to live, but I think a lot of people would disagree with them (except for the asexuals). Sex is a part of who most people are. But when sex becomes something that you do to get a certain feeling (euphoria, intimacy, adrenaline) and you say “fuck the consequences” and don’t give much thought as to how you’re getting that feeling then it becomes an addiction.

Now I want to state that I don’t think that everyone who says they’re addicted to sex really is. I think it’s a cheap and easy scapegoat for famous people to make when they get caught in the middle of a sex scandal. It’s difficult to know who is being serious and who isn’t.

I used to suffer from sex addiction. I was never diagnosed with it, but I knew it. When I was about 19 I went through a major depression and I spent a lot of time doing drugs and having anonymous sex. I didn’t care much about myself, but I loved the highs that sex and drugs created and hated the lows.

Some may say that the sex was just a symptom of my depression, but I’d say that they were both wrapped up in each other. It was a tool of escapism and it also helped to plummet me deeper into depression. The drugs were also a tool of escapism, but I never became addicted to those. I didn’t need the drugs. I needed the sex. Many addicts become addicted to their escape tools. Often alcoholics will use booze to numb the pain and it becomes a cycle where the alcoholism causes the pain that they are numbing.

For me, sex gave me the intimacy that I was longing for. For a short period of time I could feel cared about. I could be held. After it was over though I usually felt worse. But I kept wanting that high and so I kept seeking it out. It didn’t really matter with who and often the sex was unprotected.

I want to state that I am in no way against casual sex. Fuck who ever the hell you want to. But do it because you really want it, not because you’re looking for something else. And be safe!

So yes, I think that sex can be addictive. I think that anything that produces a chemical reaction in your brain can cause addiction. We become addicted to those chemicals. I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this, but hey that’s the point of discussion. What do you think? Can sex be addictive?