"Things Mr. Welch Can No Longer Do in an RPG"
By: TheHGW
| 851. When plumbing the depths of depravity, I must remember to come up for air. 852. Any superhero offensive to more than two major religions is vetoed. 853. Even if I'm faced with yet another Get of Fenris Lupus Ahroun, I will not refer to him as CliChe Guevara. 854. We will not take the dead dryad with us to use as kindling. 855. I will not keep reincarnating that bugbear until he comes back as something we can actually eat. 856. A funeral is not a proper place for setting new fashion trends. 857. I will not disbelieve the magic mouth before he gives out the important plot information. 858. Even if it is hours of entertainment, can't feed the Red Talon peanut butter. 859. I will concede we're on a dungeon crawl and stop trying to talk to the monsters. 860. Under religion I cannot put Born Again Klingon. 861. I will not use undocumented zombie workers to help build my castle. 862. Bigby's Offensive Finger is not a real spell. 863. Even if there is no alignment in Traveller, giving feuding TL1 tribes TL12 weapons and putting the results on PPV is just wrong. 864. My doctor's bag will contain more than just a bonesaw and a bottle of whiskey. 865. I do not put the cad in decadent, nor the rave in depraved. 866. Even if it's catchy, I don't have to yell my battlecry everytime I roll to attack. 867. We can't all play bards just to relive our favorite Spinal Tap moments. 868. I cannot have a gun with an area of affect larger than it's range. 869. Richard Simmons is not an appropriate role model for a Get of Fenris. 870. I will not use my vast personal knowledge of Dublin, Texas to get an unfair advantage in the campaign. 871. My halfling cannot take the flaw Obsession: Ring of Invisibility. 872. Any gun that sets off the metal detector before I even pass through it is vetoed. 873. I will not combine Thermographic Sights and a gun that can shoot through walls. It makes Black Ops too easy. 874. After cleaning out Ravenloft, when it's my turn to pick treasure, can't call dibs on the castle. 875. If my superhero has a healing factor, claws, combat sense and longevity, he can't take the flaw Total Pacifist. 876. If I want to play a rampaging nordic warrior and get handed a treehugging elf hippie instead, I can't play her like a rampaging nordic warrior. 877. Even if I am playing a chick, I can't spend all my starting cash on shoes. 878. Rifts in the time/space continuum are not for my personal amusement. 879. Buying a bigger gun does not restore sanity. 880. Searching the dead PC for spell components is ok. Using him for spell components is not. 881. Any character that can run the 2 minute mile is vetoed. 882. I will not convince the party to name all the characters the same thing. 883. I do not need to see proof of insurance before making a medtech roll. 884. Customs doesn't care what my charisma bonus is. 885. Halflings do not store food in their cheeks for winter. 886. Elves are not deciduous. 887. Despite evidence to the contrary, half-elves do not automatically go both ways. 888. Breast enhancing spells gain no benefits from meta-magic feats. 889. I will not try to regain sanity by nailing the reporter chick in public. 890. Dwarves do not get Roto-Rooters as racial weapons. 891. I will not brag too loudly I'm the real reason behind the sinking of the Titanic. 892. Cultists tend to notice if you've replaced their summoning ritual with Jitterbug instructions. 893. Invisibility is all or nothing, can't just target their clothes. 894. I can't just keeping buy rounds of drinks until everybody passes out so I can rob them. 895. I will not miss the final epic battle just because I crit my seduction check. 896. Polish is not a sub-dialect of gnomish. 897. Any action causing the powergamer to storm off while actually appreciated is frowned upon. 898. Healing people of other faiths gets a penalty in Deadlands. Not Serenity. 899. I will not have the architect build my castle using a hexadecimal base to screw with the powergamer. 900. I will not fill the bag of holding with dirt so we can just fill in pit traps as we detect them. |